words and i... don't get along.

i nearly microwaved my yogurt (by which i mean... i almost stuck my yogurt instead of my bratwurst in the microwave).

then my brain (or whatever it is that makes voices in my head) went "i almost vacuumed my yogurt!"


i have a green shirt that i wear with the eggplant-colored waffle henley, and i always want to say "i look like an eggplant!"

but instead, i commonly say "i'm a grapefruit!"


... sometimes i'm amazed i've not been killed by stupidity.