what can i even add?

i didn't wear black today. i didn't know any of the victims. i didn't wear maroon and orange today. i'm not in blacksburg. wearing maroon and orange in a sea of mundane wouldn't show solidarity. wearing either would not make me feel better. all i would accomplish by wearing symbolic support, would be to garnish sympathy, or worse, pity. i need neither. those who need my support (my specific support) know i'm there for them. those who need the support of a nation, already have it.

don't take this the wrong way. i don't look down on those who outwardly showed their support today. it is not petty to show that you care. there just would have been very little point in me, specifically, doing this.

i feel that my job now isn't to cry. it's not to be depressed. it's not to be outraged. and while i'm shrouded in sorrow for those directly affected by this, i don't think my job is even to mourn. who or what do i have to mourn? i don't know, as far as i know, any of the victims. my job now is to be there for those who need me, to support those who are affected more profoundly than i am.

but there's no shame in crying.