How to Choose Your Words: Part 1

I know that there are many grammar blogs out there, but I really doubt that the people who need these lessons are frequenting those sites. Instead, I shall offer a series of tips in the spirit of "How not to write like an idiot."

Fewer/Less
"Fewer" is used with countable amounts; "less" is used with continuous amounts.

What does this mean? Look at what you're comparing. If there what you're comparing is plural it's "fewer," otherwise, it's "less."

fewer cups of flour (comparing cups)

less flour (comparing amount of flour)

*note: You can state "flours," but that means *types* of flour. In that case, you'd use "fewer."

I/Me (or, pronouns when using "and")
"I" is used as a subject; "Me" is used as an object. You could diagram your sentence to decide which you should use, but that would mean that you'd have be able to pull rules out of your head. That, and remember how to diagram sentences.

The easiest way to select between "I" and "me" (or, for that matter, between "she" and "her," "he" and "him," etc.) is to leave out the "and x" (or "x and") part, and use the word you're naturally inclined to substitute there (your brain already follows most of the rules).

"Bob and I are going to the park." ("I am going to the park.")

"This is a picture of Bob and me at the fair." ("This is a picture of me at the fair."

Elusive/Illusive
"Elusive" means something that eludes, something that is hard to find. This is, I believe, the more common of the two.

"Illusive," on the other hand, refers to something that is based in illusion.

Simple trick? Check for deception or lack of reality. Both indicate the use of "illusive." If you're still unsure, or favor a bit of ambiguity, use "elusive."

"The toddler naively believed her mother's illusive promise of a pony, and for the moment, both were happy: the toddler with the idea of her own pony, and the mother with her now well-behaved toddler." (deceptive promise)

"The photographer stalked his elusive target for weeks before snapping the perfect picture." (target eludes sight)

"She loved illusive animals, none more than the unicorn." (unicorn is not real)

*note: A unicorn may be described as "elusive" to leave doubt as to its existence.

Then/Than
"Then" introduces something that happens later in time, or as a conclusion/consequence. "Than" is used for comparisons. I really can't think of a "trick" that makes it any simpler, though I guess the tip would be to use "than" for comparisons. How do you tell if there is a comparison? Look for a comparison word: one that ends in "er" or one modified with "more" or "less."

"I arrived later than she did." (comparing arrival times)

"She arrived at the start of the party, then looked over to see me arrive after her." (introduces the action that happens after her arrival)

"If she didn't arrive before the announcement, then neither did I" (consequence)

Breath/Breathe
This one is about spelling, not grammar. "Breath" is the noun. "Breathe" is the verb.

"We held our collective breath as the football was lofted toward the end zone; there hung our season, ripe for the picking."

"It was difficult to breathe in the high humidity."

Would've/Could've/Should've

The alternatives ("would of," "could of," and "should of") are always incorrect. That is not to say that "of" can never follow these words, but any grammatically correct sentence I can create places a comma before "of." "Of" is not a substitute for "have."

I've seen a grammar blog suggest that the above contractions should never be used because it only encourages the malformed alternatives, but then goes on to say that they will be used in speech anyway. To me, the suggestion isn't logical. If people will hear the contractions anyway, why not let them see the contractions spelled properly? After all, hearing the contractions without being familiar with the spelling is probably what spawned the malformations in the first place.

Affect/Effect
"Affect" is a verb, meaning to influence or change, or a noun meaning [physically expressed] emotion. "Effect," as a verb, means "to cause," while, as a noun, it means a product (of something).

My tip here will apply to the verbs. If the object is caused by the subject (would not otherwise exist, or would not be guaranteed to exist otherwise), then use "effect." If the object is changed by the subject (it already exists, or was already guaranteed to exist), then use "affect."

"The incessant nighttime fire alarms at the dorm did not affect her ability to concentrate for the exam, but it did make her want to crawl back into bed after she finished." (her ability was not hurt or changed)

"For her roommate, however, the fire alarms effected a blinding rage that resulted in a poor mark on the exam." (the fire alarms caused the blinding rage)