it's all in the name....

"fit to be a scholar" doesn't necessarily mean a scholar... but i'd argue that i'm not fit anyway.

maybe my brain is, but my heart isn't. which means i'm not.

i'm not sure if this hurts me more because it's a hit to my ego or 'cause of what it does to those that are close to me. what it will do to my family when they find out. and they will find out. somehow, i'm sure they'll know.

last semester, with all the theory classes, i was actually thinking about grad school. i loved last semester. if i could do that for the rest of my life... i actually might. but i know i can't.