sometimes... i just wonder if i've lost it.

i check my blog. i haven't posted in months (does it even qualify as plural?), but i still check. and it's not for new comments. i'm looking for new *posts.* like i would in anybody else's blog. only, this isn't anybody else's blog, this is *my* blog. and if i've posted, i'd know, right? you'd think so, anyway...


had a strangely traumatizing experience today. fire alarm went off around 6, which kinda just signalled dinner time for the three of us, so we headed off to owens. sitting there and eating, the little puddle of soup (that kinda just happened when i set down the soup bowl) caught some kind of flying bug. not a fly, not a mosquito, too big to be a gnat... just one of those annoying flying things.

thing is, before the thing landed, i was going to ask matt to smack it (i was holding a hot dog, and didn't want to put it down and scare the flying thing away), but when it got itself stuck, head-first in the soup... i felt bad for it. its wings were both stuck, and most of its legs were glued. i realized that the thing wouldn't be able to get out of this, even if i decided to help. even if i were to pull it out in one piece, i can't clean it without reducing the poor thing to smitherines. and it's not like it got stuck in water. if he dried, he'd be weighed down and chunky... sticky before that. it was... amusingly depressing. and yes, i mean that.


it's hard to gauge how much something gets to you right away. even years later, sometimes you have no idea. you do things (or don't do things) because of *something* that happened, but you don't know what or why, nor do you realize that it has anything to do with anything. and just when you think you've got everything figured out, something else falls in your lap. or on your head.