how can you lose the o'brien and win the heisman?

no, seriously. to lose the o'brien means that you're not the best quarterback. this is not the same as not winning the o'brien, where you might not be a quarterback. no, you lost it, which means someone is better than you are. and not just anybody... someone who plays the same position. to follow that loss by winning a heisman, which now says that you're the best player at any position... is just fucked up.

i think it came down to ou vs. usc. and peterson outperformed reggie bush. and so did jason white. so while peterson and white were drawing ou votes from each other, leinart trampled his own teammate for usc votes. alex smith was a non-issue, like bush.

***

i can't do anything right, but things i leave aren't done right either. there's no win. there is no win.

i am the biggest disappointment. it's not so much a question of what isn't, but what isn't... but could be. i make nothing but mistakes. conscious decisions. i am just one giant mistake.

no, seriously. sometimes, i think about how far my feet are from my head (not that far, considering i'm 5'3"), and i just feel too big. i am too big to disappear.
i want to disappear.

... and i want kenyi back...

***

update: now yellow too...