it's all in the name....

"fit to be a scholar" doesn't necessarily mean a scholar... but i'd argue that i'm not fit anyway.

maybe my brain is, but my heart isn't. which means i'm not.

i'm not sure if this hurts me more because it's a hit to my ego or 'cause of what it does to those that are close to me. what it will do to my family when they find out. and they will find out. somehow, i'm sure they'll know.

last semester, with all the theory classes, i was actually thinking about grad school. i loved last semester. if i could do that for the rest of my life... i actually might. but i know i can't.

sometimes you just don't want to know...

okay, well... test drove the s40 (t5 awd) and the accord v6 today... volvo was automatic 'cause they didn't have any manuals on the lot... but it didn't make much of a difference 'cause i didn't like the way it drove either way... (damn you, koffi--you've been pushing for this car! and i don't like it!)

accord was another story... the 4 door manual was blocked in by a bunch of other cars so i got to test drive the coupe... and then our salesman had an appointment come in, so i signed liability for the car off the lot, and we took the car off the lot ourselves (yeah, that's a good idea... asian female driver!)

the accord was the most "powerful" car i've test driven--244hp. with a really narrow powerband... but that's another story. it's also the least safe of the cars on the list (whereas the volvo was the safest, but probably the ride i liked the least). but... it did not feel as good as the gli did. or the a3. between the safety and the gas guzzling-ness (the s40 and the accord v6 were both bad on this... yes, i know that they're a 5 and 6 cylinder... i didn't say i didn't know *why*), i think i'm going to have to pass...

so... i'm going to have to say that the list is down to the gli and the a3. big surprise. was this not my list a month ago? okay, okay... plus the passat... which is basically off now 'cause it's too soft. little cars for a little me!

so... the points...

~ gli: the drive! there's pop! better suspension! better seats! better steering wheel (race-inspired multifunction)! costs less initially (see note below), more space in back seat (still not a lot, but it's a point over the a3)... electro-mechanical steering... it's cool 'cause cross winds and things won't pull the steering wheel... but if the alignment's off, the only way for me to tell would be by tire wear... later than i'd want to know.
~ cons: wind noise. it's not a model-specific thing; it's a car-specific thing. there's also supposedly a fix for it.

~ a3: the badge. not as a status symbol... the audi name comes the audi advantage: 4 years maintenance and 24-hour roadside assistance. it's a hatch, which daddy says is more practical. it's also got bite--it holds its line better than the suspension would have you think... and it's still stiffer than the others i've test driven ("others" doesn't include the gli). lighter curb weight. 10" shorter, too. standard dual-zone climate control.
~ cons: the open sky system's shades aren't solid. there are complaints that it's too bright. it's also a luxury vehicle--it doesn't drive the same way. i'm not old enough for a luxury drive!

note about the price: daddy says that the audi advantage should negate the price difference by the end of the 4 years.

***

so... i'm looking at michael's myspace profile, and he's got one of those survey things on there... but what i saw...

Had sex with two different people in the same day?: not yet

not yet?

i told you my brother was a pimp...

it also says he's 16. i wonder what kind of crap he's pulling... ;p

i... uh...poop.

test drove the a3 today. i did a horrible thing. we will not speak of it.

the a3 drives much smoother than the gli. to be expected, i suppose, considering it's a luxury car. it's also got the torque for hill climbing at low rpm, but somehow is simultaneously missing a bit off the line (maybe 'cause i was scared of pushing it? i noticed it with both the manual and the dsg--more on that later). it held its line way more than i expected. bit right into the road. same brakes as before.

unfortunately, when i think "smooth," i think muddy. in the same family, i guess. it's not like it's not responsive... it's just... buffered...

i should explain that word 'cause i keep using it and i don't think that's normal. it's kinda like... when you do something stupid, like punch the accelerator, and the car saves you, so you you don't get whiplash from it... that's what i call buffered. if you stomp down and keep your foot there, it'll accelerate. you know, 'caused it's all smooth. and smoothed.

yeah, i'm a bit of a control freak. i want to be the one to keep the car from doing stupid things... and if i do stupid things, i want the car to let me know about it. how else am i supposed to learn?


i'm gonna make a bunch of cookie dough (and some cookies) tonight, and tomorrow night, we'll make a lot of dumplings at home. hopefully, i'll be taking some cookie dough back to the 'burg with me... and there can be cookies on demand!

***

so maybe stalling the gli wasn't my fault...
he is a professional.

idle thoughts, part 7

i love ryan reynolds... and when grows a beard, he reminds me of matthew fox.

yeah, more of a post for the second part than the first.

trials and tribulations ofVROOOM

sunday started out well-planned. called my parents in the morning to make plans for the afternoon (i always watch harry potter with my family), and everything was cool... matt and i had lunch at taipei-tokyo... which was oddly empty. and i had a cold, so everything tasted bland (but you can tell the difference between bland 'cause of cold, and bland 'cause it sucks... it just sucks either way).

well, i was *supposed* to see harry potter with my family sunday afternoon, but they canceled on me because they thought it would be too rushed/we'd get out too late. instead, we had dinner at their place. after dinner, i was served alcohol.

??? no, that's right. alcohol. i was served a small (tiny!) irish cream... when i went to take my first sip, matt pointed at me and went "aaaaand... glow!" i started laughing and i couldn't stop... to the point where i *did* turn red... but i knew i couldn't have been glowing because the sip was *still in my mouth.* not that it made it any better... they were still laughing at me, and i couldn't stop laughing...

before i'd finished that drink, i was served up cointreau on the rocks. so good, even daddy drinks it! (daddy doesn't like alcohol). couldn't finish it, though.

watched some tv, left for the apartment... get to the apartment, realize that i've left my bag at the house... <sigh> even my phone is in there. so i had to call my house from matt's phone, which confused my family... and then we went back and got it. apparently dad was afraid that i was the one driving... so they called again before we got to the house (they didn't realize that we'd gotten all the way home before i discovered i didn't have it). i'm responsible! poop.

***

lunch yesterday with ulyssees and keith--lunch over pool. now, if anybody knows of me playing pool... i generally suck, but i have lucky streaks. very rare lucky streaks. anyway, that didn't happen yesterday. instead, i managed to avoid scratching...

huh?

okay, let's try this from another angle. i took a nearly straight-on shot for the 9-ball. i'm usually pretty good about not following anything, but i failed this time... but the 9-ball saved the day when it popped back out of the pocket and told the cue ball "NO."

... possibly funnier if you were there. (and yes, it was all the way in... it didn't just hit the back of the pocket)


after lunch, ulyssees dropped me off at my car, and keith walked to the office from there (i was parked closer than ulyssees was going to, so it's actually a shorter walk that way)... then i turned around and drove to pretty much where we were playing pool... and then a little past that to the acura dealer, where i test drove a tsx.

that car is smooth. and it comes with all sorts of stuff... that's about all i can say for it. i mean, yeah, it's great in its own right, but... i'm looking for more pop. i don't wanna say rougher around the edges, but... something less buffered. if i do something wrong, i want the car to let me know about it. like when i put the car in 6th instead of in reverse... i want that to be apparent when i start letting up the clutch, not when the car DOESN'T MOVE. i mean, that's not something that would happen when the reverse is on the other side anyway, but still... rumble? whine? bunny hop? stall? something?

yeah, yeah, the clutch wasn't all the way out... i know... but still...

after i pulled out of the dealership and drove through a light, my phone rang... it was the sales guy i'd just talked to. uhm... what? "i, uh, have your license." i'm brilliant! turned around, picked it up, went on my way...


so then on down the road for honda-volkwagen/volvo. well, i thought it was in that order. i thought something funny about greater than-less than... anyway, it was volkswagen/volvo, then honda... and volkswagen was first (same address, different building... kinda). walked in, asked for the gli... they had ONE on the lot. equipped pretty much the way i want it. except that it's silver (i want gray). silver might be my second choice, though. blue's rare right now. and i haven't really seen it.

the test drive... well, the pop is definitely there. in going *and* stopping. the new brakes are ridiculous. no joke. they take some getting used to... there is bite EVERYWHERE. the power was where i wanted it. i assume part of this is the huge power band, and part of it is because i'm used to driving the jetta--not something you rev as high as you should the acura. but, then again, not having to downshift to hit the power is great too. and then being able to downshift to get to more horses... yeah... matter of taste, though.

then the passat. apparently... the manual won't come in for a while (limited availability? there are dealers in maryland that have it)... and the 2.0T doesn't come in DSG. no, i'm not kidding. tiptronic. ew. and the ride's soft. i guess *that's* off the list.

it's too bad, really. the passat looks better than the jetta for the first time in who knows how long.

i also found out that the 4-door mkv gti won't be out until the end of the summer. so much for that idea... poopie.

then the guy tried to sell me the silver gli. "what do i have to do to get you to move on this early?" um... make it gray? "what if it's a couple of hundred under invoice?" uuh... i have no idea! if this is such a hot car, why are you trying so hard to sell it to me?! what did you do to it...?


after this back and forth, i went to pick matt up from the metro, and then we met keith for dinner at friday's, which was fun. the wild mushroom sauce sucked, though... i think they were at the bottom of the pan or pot or whatever. it seemed super-concentrated... and there was barely any... and it lacked in the mushroom department. oh, but that wasn't my food. i got the jack daniels strip and shrimp... pretty good.

so then i was talking to z online last night... and we got into a discussion about porn. i think about it sometimes... i wonder what normal girls talk about.

of course, i never know what i can expect from zeenat. some support, maybe? some love? some compassion? you judge for yourself...

merc (12:42:45 AM): matthew's making fun of me...
Z (12:42:50 AM): why?
Z (12:42:59 AM): what does he have to make fun of you about?
merc (12:43:08 AM): because i called chipotle "pipotle"
merc (12:43:17 AM): and now he's making fun of it
Z (12:43:17 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Z (12:43:28 AM): i'm sorry, but that's just funny :0)

i love you too, z.

***

for some reason, my sides are sore. they have been for a few days...

at first, i thought it was my lats... but it really just feels like my sides are bruised. it's like i have a bruise on either side that starts just above my pelvis and goes all the way up to my shoulder blade. on both sides. what did i do?!?!

ready... set...reflect!

i'm sitting in the apartment right now, and there's this big purple ball in the corner... a two-foot ball that matt bought me last time bernat drove me up.

when i woke up the morning after i got it, it was on the floor of the bedroom. i, of course, picked it up and started running around, squealing happily. and then i tried to run out of the bedroom... bad idea. the ball bounced off the door frame, my ass bounced off the door, and i landed face-first on the ball in the hall. fake crying followed.

really, it was hilarious if you were there.

***

picked up a bag of pecans last night... 'cause i walked by them, and i wanted them. i am the worst impulse shopper ever. things end up in the cart without so much as a turn of the head sometimes.

okay, i'm not that bad, but the pecans were definitely an impulse buy. when we got them home, matt looked at me and said "we don't have a nut cracker." i was utterly confused. nut cracker? i don't eat pecans with a nut cracker... you don't even need a lighter until you're almost out of nuts...

...
yeah, i guess i never really thought about that before. i use pecans to crack each other. the strongest pecan then loses to a lighter ('cause a lighter's stronger, duh). that's how daddy taught me. is this weird?

either way, maybe i shouldn't've taught matt. he tried to crack a pecan and a pistachio (that didn't open). umm... okay.

he got he pistachios when i was cooking chicken a la king.
i love that dish. no joke.
seems to have made matt happy, too.

***

before we went grocery shopping (where i got pecans), we went to dinner. we were going to a chipotle we'd never been to, and i was to have my eyes peeled for it. when i saw it, i blurted out "pipotle's!" (i tend to refer to it as "chipotle's" instead of "chipotle." don't ask. i know i'm not the only one...) i guess things come out funny when i'm excited.

if it makes me feel any better (uh, what?), matt said "selth" instead of "self" earlier tonight. like michael did when he was a kid. aww... i have the best brother...

wait... that's not where that thought started...

***

so... i'm supposed to be out dancing right now... but between how cold it is outside and the fact that i'm sickish... i'm staying in. but that hasn't stopped me from trying to eat all the food in the apartment.

i was headed to the bathroom last night, and i pulled up my shirt and looked at my tummy... and cracked up. then matt yelled at me... "would you just go to the bathroom?!? you look like you're pregnant!"

...
that makes no sense without some explanation. when i need to pee, my lower abdomen swells. visibly. when i eat too much, my upper abdomen swells. get the idea?

***

so i've been thinking... i'm going to miss the guys a lot more than i thought i would before. i mean, people have been leaving all along. people graduate and leave me behind. i stopped seeing some people. some people just get busy.

not that i thought the guys were expendable... but i mean, i haven't known most of them that long. i've had close friends for much longer that just disappeared... and it was alright. that, and i didn't think that much about it--it was just something i assumed at the beginning of the semester...

i know what you're thinking... but no, it's not 'cause i've gotten more attached lately... so no, not bonds formed in trauma or whatever... maybe that's why i thought about it, but... yeah... no.

that's all.

***

and oh, oh, oh... i have a black 4 gig nano =D

***

UPDATE: so the sickish thing... i thought the apartment was really hot. it turns out that the apartment is fine. my core temperature is really low. everything feels hot to me right now. uuh... i'm sure i'll be fine. i think...

i want to cry...

but not for what you might think. i want to cry because i don't want to.

i just want to feel again. feel my life.

i can cry at movies. at others' stories. but when it comes to me, to my life... nothing.

why don't i care?

stuff i shouldn't be thinking about right now anyway...

if i spend any more time car shopping, i'm not going to graduate this semester, and no car will be purchased anyway... but...

edmunds did head-to-head between the gli and the tsx. i read about this report shortly after i'd decided to add the tsx to the "to test drive" list (suggestion from above to add japanese cars to the list--for dependability. the car that came with the suggestion was the accord v6 6 speed... and then i added the tsx, as well). i'd just heard that the gli won. eh... i'll still test drive both. it'll be cool...

well, daddy emailed the article to me yesterday... so i actually read the thing...

what i found made my heart jump into my throat.

The GLI's system isn't overly aggressive about shutting you down under hard cornering, but the throttle-by-wire system doesn't put up with left-foot braking.

that's almost a deal breaker right there. almost. not like i'd be driving like that often.... it's still about test drives, but... how can you limit the abilities of the car like that?

current list (in alphabetical order):

• acura tsx


• audi a3


• honda accord v6


• mazda 6


• subaru impreza wrx (wagon?)


• volkswagen gli


• volkswagen jetta (tdi if diesel prices go down?)


• volkswagen passat


• volvo s40

i will test drive dsgs, but it's nearly guaranteed that i will be buying a manual. that kinda sucks in terms of the hondas because there's no price break between manual and auto. not like i'm gonna get what i want less just because i paid for it, but it's something to think about...

yeah, yeah, i know...

warning: fragments. lots of them.

been forever. i'm sure i had lots of things to blog. i'm sure i've forgotten it all.
whatever.

i have new hoodies, which make me happy. and they're girly. but not girly in the abercrombie sense. they're still real hoodies. i think.

and i can wear scarf now, which also makes me happy. i haven't worn a jacket all week. just hoodies. be proud. or happy for me. or something.

no, it's not freezing. but it's pretty cold. at night. yes, i'm out at night.

bball season started tuesday. opened with a mavs@suns, double ot. okay, okay, it (tv coverage) opened with spurs@nuggets. but i didn't watch that. beyotch.

yay for the season. yay for actual coverage (poop on hockey). yay for actual games.

***

so... power went out to half of bburg last night. bernat and i were watching mythbusters (off his media center. want to say that it was a myth box, but it wasn't. that was a failed attempt), and there were some issues with power... small ones, where bernat would ask if he blinked or if the lights dimmed. 'cause sometimes you can't really tell. so we're sitting there, in the dark, thinking "what the fuck?" (yes, i know we're both nerds like that, but i don't think i actually *think* "wtf?" do i? oh, i don't think i want to know...), but his room still has lights 'cause of his monitors (he's got a ups). so he went to get his flash light and plugged a lamp into the ups (turned off the computer). but we're still basically sitting in the dark.

called mike to see if he had power. he thought i was crazy. offered his place up for chillage. after a while, we decided that the lights weren't coming back on, so we set out for the house... just to find that the traffic lights were out. street lights, on. traffic lights, black. blind turn. great.

left about 12:30, something like that. got back a chunk before 1. power in foxridge? returned at 12:56. ish. kinda worked out.

***

i probably need to apologize to anybody that's had to deal with me recently. or will have to deal with me in the nearish future. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm psychotic. i'm sorry i'm narcissistic. i'm sorry i'm antisocial. and i mean antisocial, not asocial. figure it out.

notice i'm not apologizing for any specifics. i may not be sorry for specifics. i don't know. i don't think i'm in the state of mind to figure it out right now anyway...
i don't want to be anymore.

***

flea is now an nba blogger. yes, flea of the chili peppers. his blog reads like song lyrics.